Called out

I was worried it was inevitable, and it happened last night: I got called out for not drinking and subsequently "discovered" as pregnant. We were at a birthday party for our friend Wendi. While we knew everyone there, most of them are casual acquaintances, not good friends. A lot of them go to the same gym as us but they're definitely a crowd we would have expected to tell about the baby in, say, another month. Not how it went down.

First of all, before we'd even arrived Wendi had opened a bottle of white wine just for me. Apparently everyone else there prefers red wine, beer or bloody Marys, so the white just sat there opened and full. She kept trying to force it on me and I kept trying to put her off without being obvious. I'd run a 10k race that morning and was trying to play the "I'm dehydrated/just need water for now" card. I could tell she wasn't quite buying it, but there was a lot going on and she didn't pursue it.

Then this guy Thomas, whom we don't know well at all, came up to me.

Thomas: Why aren't you drinking tonight?
Me: I don't know, I just don't feel like it. I need water tonight. I don't really drink much anyway.
Thomas: Uh-huh. Or is there something you're waiting to tell us?
Me: No ...
Thomas: A little CrossFit baby on the way?

I am the world's worst liar, so I just shook my head and walked away but apparently that was not a good cover because he grabbed my arm and said "Aha!"

Luckily right after that we started playing Pictionary, boys versus girls, so I was safe with the girls where he couldn't pursue his questioning. But a few hours later, when we were leaving, he shook Matt's hand.

Thomas (stage whisper): Congratulations, man. I won't say a word!
Wendi (overhearing, because that was really loud): What's he congratulating you for?
Thomas: Oh ... they just ... had a really good workout yesterday, that's all.
Wendi: You're pregnant, aren't you.

Thanks, Captain Obvious.

So we're definitely telling our grandparents this week. I just don't want them to hear it from anyone else, and too many people know now. Not that any of them probably know our grandparents. But word travels like wildfire in this town.

Pink, I think

I am going to go on record as saying I'm positive we're having a girl. Obviously there's no way to know that for sure for a few more months, but whenever I think about this baby, I can only think of it as a girl. In my thoughts and prayers I always refer to her(?) as "her" or "she" -- sometimes this even slips out when I'm talking to Matt. It's been like this ever since I found out I was pregnant.

This could be because I grew up with only a sister and suspect I'd have no idea what to do with a boy. It could be because I'm hoping to get to buy cute girly stuff. It could be because I'm greedy for hand-me-downs (virtually all of our friends with a baby have had a girl).

For what it's worth, Mom and Dad agree. Mom said that when I told them, both of them almost immediately thought, She's going to have a girl. Of course all of this could mean nothing -- I certainly wouldn't be the first person to be dead wrong about the gender. Luckily, Matt (who's leaning toward a boy) and I will have plenty of time to get used to the idea between the 20-week ultrasound and the birth.

Slippery slope

There's a weird thing happening here that I don't know how to avoid, and that is that I've had to announce my pregnancy to some people who barely qualify as acquaintances, yet most of our friends and even our grandparents don't have a clue yet.

For example: The day it finally sank in that I was pregnant (around day 4 of at-home positives) I had an appointment for a cavity filling that afternoon. I knew they'd be numbing my mouth and I wasn't sure whether that was OK for the baby. I googled it and got with mixed responses, but several sites said it's better to wait until the second trimester for fillings, so I decided to play it safe.

I called to reschedule my appointment. Unfortunately, in order to not be charged for the missed appointment (I didn't give 24 hours' notice) I had to have a really good explanation. I told the receptionist that I had found out just that morning that I was pregnant and that in fact she was the third person on the planet to know. Which is odd. Then I begged her not to say anything to anyone -- all of Matt's family goes to the same dentist.

It happened again today. I was supposed to play on a tennis league next spring and practices are starting now and I guess I could have waited but I felt like I should tell the coach so she'd have enough time to replace me -- she's already short two players.

This doesn't even count all the acquaintances who work at my doctor's office -- but hopefully HIPAA laws are a strong enough incentive for them to keep quiet.

What not to eat

I've known some friends and acquaintances to go seemingly overboard in their caution while pregnant. Most doctors will tell you that most everything's fine in moderation, but some people aren't willing to do ANYTHING that could possibly harm the baby. I know of people who have switched face washes to avoid salicylic acid, who have replaced all of their cleaning products with more natural ones, who have refused to drink tap water, who won't eat a Caesar salad, etc.

I'm certainly not judging anyone for taking the conservative approach and it's true you can find articles online making a case for cutting out salicylic acid, cleaning chemicals, tap water and anything made with raw or undercooked egg. Plus a whole lot more.

Personally, I'm comfortable avoiding the major risks and approaching everything else with moderation.

I'm strictly cutting out alcohol for the entire pregnancy, and most caffeine at least for the first trimester (I've had a glass of sweet tea here and there). Most studies agree that some caffeine is safe and too much caffeine can increase the risk of miscarriage. It's actually easier for me to go cold-turkey on caffeine than to drink just a little. ("Abstinence is as easy to me as temperance would be difficult," Samuel Johnson said.) And there are plenty of good options when I just need the buzz of carbonation -- root beer, ginger ale, decaf Coke, etc.

Other foods you're supposed to limit or avoid are hot dogs, pepperoni and bacon, none of which I'm being strict about. I haven't had a hot dog so far but if I crave one I will. You're supposed to be vigilant about cleaning fruits before you eat them and I'm going to try to get better about that. I have cut out turkey sandwiches (they're OK if the turkey's heated, but I don't like it heated) and luckily I don't like sushi and I also won't eat soft cheeses.

Slight symptoms

The other day I wrote that I haven't experienced any pregnancy symptoms at all, other than tiredness. But as I thought about that later I realized it's not quite true.

Before I even knew I was pregnant, as early as a week after conception, I noticed smells everywhere I went. Not in a bad way or a good way -- they were just much more noticeable than usual. I'd walk into a room and the first thing I'd think was, It smells like [whatever] in here. That lasted only a week or so for me.

Yesterday Carrie gave me one of her pregnancy books, appropriately titled "I'm Pregnant!," and it said a heightened sense of smell is commonly the first sign of pregnancy. For most people, I think it stays strong and is accompanied by food aversions, cravings and morning sickness. But for me it just died down.

Also, Matt informed me yesterday that I've been snapping at him a lot lately. I have to admit this surprised me because I haven't been aware of being irritable in general and definitely not around him. And I've been on the lookout for it, especially since Amanda, who's 18 weeks pregnant, has been irritable for much of her pregnancy. I wonder if I'm snapping at anyone else without realizing it. I may have to issue a blanket apology when we go public with the baby news.

Finally, my boobs are a little tender. Nothing like every other pregnant woman's seem to be -- they definitely couldn't be described as painful. They're not even as sore as they usually are during PMS. But the extra tenderness has been there constantly for, oh, about a month now.

Tiny town

It's so hard to keep a secret in this town. When I went to the doctor for my initial blood test to confirm pregnancy, who did I run into but my grandparents! I couldn't believe it. I just told them I was there for some bloodwork, and they didn't know we were in baby-making mode so they weren't suspicious. So not suspicious that my grandmother thought nothing of mentioning that she'd seen me there to everyone at Sunday lunch the next week (I wasn't there).

My mom had randomly announced to me a couple of weeks earlier -- on the very day of conception, it turned out -- that she had a feeling I was pregnant. Even after I found out I was, Matt and I didn't plan to tell ANYONE except Amanda (I had to tell her!), until at least eight weeks or so. But after this Sunday-lunch announcement, my mom pulled Amanda aside and asked her point-blank if she knew of any reason why I'd be getting bloodwork. Amanda tried to play it cool but immediately called me to give me a heads-up that Mom was suspicious.

That's when Matt and I decided just to tell a few people -- our parents, his brothers and Carrie, and a handful of our very closest friends. We still haven't even told our grandparents. :) By Thanksgiving we're going to be less careful about it and by Christmas everyone will know.

Back to the tiny town for a second -- my experience was not nearly as bad as Carrie's. I went with her to the doctor for the blood test to confirm her pregnancy and as we were checking out we ran into our mother-in-law. Carrie was holding a huge bag of samples of prenatal vitamins and booklets. Our mother-in-law saw us and waved and we turned around and bolted. Needless to say, she figured out pretty fast that one of us was with child and Carrie and Jacob had announced it to the family within a week.

Bedside manner: negative

We went for our first ultrasound last Thursday at five weeks, six days and I was excited that we might get to see the heartbeat because once the heartbeat's been detected the chance of miscarriage drops to less than 10 percent. But I was trying not to be too excited because the heartbeat can't always be seen that early -- a few days can make a big difference around six weeks. Still, I hoped.

So we went in and the ultrasound started and after a few seconds the ultrasound tech asks me "Have you HAD a positive pregnancy test?" HUH? My heart dropped and I said "Yes" and she kept moving the wand around and didn't say another word for what felt like forever but must have really been five or 10 minutes. I couldn't see the screen so I didn't have any idea what was going on but I felt sure she'd tell me when she found the baby. I was freaking out in my mind and praying really, really hard for her to find the baby and for it to be fine.

I could only think of three possibilities: a) I'd had a miscarriage, which I didn't think was likely because I hadn't had bleeding or cramps or any other symptoms; b) I hadn't been pregnant in the first place, which I didn't think was likely because I'd had five positive home pregnancy tests and a positive blood test at the doctor's office; c) the baby wasn't where it was supposed to be, which I figured couldn't be good (ectopic?). She just kept moving the wand around and not saying a word.

Finally, she moved the screen so I could see it and pointed out the baby and its heartbeat (yay!) and said it was measuring right on schedule. I told her, "Your silence was scaring me!" but I was so relieved my annoyance quickly disappeared.

She left so I could get dressed and Matt and I agreed that was terrifying. He had been able to see the screen from where he sat so although it did take her a couple of minutes to find the baby, he saw her find it. But HE DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING. So for several minutes, while she was measuring the baby, etc., I was the only person in the room who thought she was still looking in vain for the baby.

I asked Matt, "WHY didn't you say something when she found it?!" and did not get a satisfactory response. Oh well. All's well that ends well.
(He thinks this picture looks like a creepy rabbit. I can see it too.)

Sleepy me

So far the weirdest thing about being pregnant is that I don't feel different AT ALL. No morning sickness, no mood swings, no incessant peeing, no "just feeling" pregnant. My main symptom is that I'm tired -- make that exhausted -- almost all the time. I get sleepy at my desk in the middle of the day, I fall asleep on the couch around 9:30 every night and I wake up still tired.

That could have as much to do with being pregnant as with the fact that I've cut out caffeine cold-turkey. Or maybe it's because my baby is currently gaining 100 brain cells A MINUTE. Sure seems like that would zap some energy.

I'm still doing my same workouts (CrossFit three times a week, running two or three times a week) and can tell they take more out of me but I can still finish them fine. I asked my doctor about laying off the intensity of my workouts and he said it's totally fine to keep going at whatever level my body's already used to, so I'm going to stick with that for the foreseeable future.

This is a kind of an inconvenient time of year to have just found out I'm pregnant because it's cold and there are tons of holiday parties so normally I'd be drinking liberal amounts of coffee and wine. I don't mind giving them up, but I do feel like it will raise suspicions if anyone notices I'm drinking a lot of water and decaf coffee. If anyone calls me out it will be impossible to lie. I'm a terrible liar.

On the positive side, the holidays usually fly by, so my first trimester will be over before I know it (Christmas Eve).

Blueberry

So I've decided to start yet another blog, this one documenting the baby that is currently masquereding as a blueberry-size bundle of cells in my stomach. This blog may become defunct in a few weeks when we go public with the pregnancy news, but on the other hand, it may not. I'd hate for my regular blog to become consumed with baby blabber because I know how boring that is to everyone else.

Let's see. Here's how it happened. Well, you know how it happened, but without going into THOSE details, here's how it went down. We started thinking about a baby last year and I went off the pill in preparation. I had been on the pill for about six or seven years, and more than a few of my friends who'd been on the pill for a similar length of time had found it took up to a year for them to start ovulating again. Sure enough, my body took until around April of this year to get back on a regular cycle, which surprised me, because I always take everything for granted.

By that time we were excited about the idea of having a baby because we'd found out Matt's brother and his wife were pregnant and due in November. Still, we told very few people we were trying. One of the people we did tell was Lib, who recommended a book called "Taking Charge of Your Fertility." It outlines "fertility awareness method," or FAM, which is simple to implement and effective for either avoiding or achieving pregnancy.

So now we knew how to time baby sex, but our plans kept being foiled! In April I was in New York with Mom and Amanda during the crucial days. In July we were sharing a two-bedroom beach condo with about a dozen other people and didn't have a moment alone. In September I was halfway across the country for work. It almost was the same story in October, but Matt managed to arrange a trip with his dad and brother to accomodate the baby-making window, and bingo -- 'twas a baby in my belly.